Fitness Log: Metamorphosis

Working out requires time, energy, discipline, and healthy eating habits.The time isn't an issue because my trainer is punctual three days a week. I've only to set the alarm and get dressed before he arrives. I've yet to schedule time when he's not with me to guide me through a series of exercise homework. It's not that I don't like or want to work out, it's an issue of time away from work or chores. The goal in the coming days and weeks is to block out at least three to five additional hours for physical fitness.

I've posted an ad for an early morning jogging buddy so that I will be accountable to someone else, and they in turn to me. It works the same with my trainer. I expect him three days a week, so I know I have to schedule that time to work out, or it'd be a waste of his time.

I must allow time to shed unwanted pounds and inches around my waist. Even if I could afford it, I wouldn't have liposuction or a tummy tuck. I'm not a candidate for either. Cosmetic weight loss procedures are quick fixes to lingering health and emotional challenges, similar to weight loss supplements, the results are almost immediate, but the maintenance becomes the real test.

I've enough mental and emotional energy to workout, it's the physical endurance in the early stages of retraining my body and mind to perform exercises that seem to contradict with the natural flow of my body. Where does one summon the energy to exercises regularly? Caffeine? Weight loss capsules and powders that contain preservatives, additives, and caffeine?

Time and discipline work in tandem for me. Or is it the chicken and egg conundrum? What needs to happen first? If I'm disciplined and focused in my goals to workout, I'd automatically set aside time to workout alone so that I'll achieve the body I want sooner.

Working with a personal trainer is new to me, and I'm glad that Ryan has the patience, training, and experience to help transform me from sedentary to active once again. I don't remember when something shifted inside, and I became a hermit save for my attending biweekly writing workshops. One cloudy or rainy day that I didn't jog, rollerblade, or dance barefoot in Central Park can't be the sole culprit for my expanded midsection. One day quickly becomes a week. Fast forward, and I'm struggling to button my shirt or pants, which was depressing. I'd always been skinny or slim. I still have the first pair of designer jeans I bought back in high school, and until two years ago, I could wear them.

My daily food logs have shed light on when and what I eat. Water, good. Fruit juice, bad. It's better that I eat the raw fruit. Chewing kick starts digestion, and increases metabolism. Three square meals low in carbohydrates, high in protein, and two to three healthy snacks a day are necessary to decrease the unwanted increase. It might not be easy because healthy living in any economy can be expensive if you don't have the disposable income.

The plump caterpillar is gesticulating in his cocoon, rapid heartbeats, random insecurities, dreaming of chocolate donuts, cookies, and ice cream. The plump caterpillar knows intellectually that physical fitness and fresh food are keys to a better life, and that he shouldn't complain about exertion or soreness. The caterpillar, once reborn, will take to the sky and soar higher than before with his carved physique.

*Feel free to leave comments on your physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation. Spring is here. Let's get rid of excess baggage and climb the mountain together.*

Fitness Log - Where Are My Abs?

I began working with a dynamic personal trainer a few weeks ago to rediscover my previous West African dance and rollerblade physique. The first few sessions were as I suspected: huffing and puffing on the exercise mat, cursing all varities of cookies, ice cream, and chips under my breath.

I didn't know what to expect after my initial weigh-in and fitness evaluation. Ryan, my personal trainer, was patient and detailed, measuring body fat, heart rate, and other prerequisites before logging them into an elaborate computer program. I was impressed and awed. He was as thorough as any general practitioner I've ever visited, minus blood test and urinalysis. He won't need to test internal items because my daily food log will reveal what's happening on the inside.

I workout three times a week, for approximately one hour, during which time he guides me through a series of balance, cardio, and aerobic exercises customized for in-home training.

The road to renewed health won't be long or treacherous. It'll require discipline, healthy meals, and daily maintenance. I'll have to get accustomed to logging meals, snacks, and liquid beverages. I know that I don't drink enough water. I don't need a food log to show me that. The log will serve as a reminder to drink at least eight glasses of water a day.

We're off to a good start, and I expect to increase my metabolism while decreasing my midsection. I didn't expect the importance of the mind-body-soul connection. Why am I working out (beyond the obvious health or vanity reasons)?

I invite you to take the journey with me every Monday as I log my progress under the Fitness Log heading. I welcome your comments and support, because I know I'm not the only one undergoing a physical/emotional/spiritual transformation.

*Photo disclaimer: The posted image is an idealized version of the body I could have if I pursue perfection. I'm not. My aim is a healthy lifestyle, not first prize at the Mr. Olympia bodybuilding contest.

Verbal Agreements - Just Say No

Are verbal agreements binding? Depending upon what's involved, I would say more often than not, verbal agreements aren't binding in a court of law. I'm no lawyer, but let's examine. If one agrees to perform a service for another who states he is unable to afford said service, but afterward the recipient demands a change in the originally understood verbal service agreement, then no.

Oftentimes the basis for a verbal agreement is good faith because one of two parties can't afford a product or service. In recent times, I've bartered copywriting or editing services for web design, development, or CMS (content management system) help.

I recently had to deal with the ugly side of publicity, and here I am examining and reexamining myself and my intentions to perform good deeds and network with other creative souls. This analysis strips the inherent good will.

I think more artists need to take better control of their careers, which includes a thorough understanding of the legal rights in their state or country. I'd advise not to rely on phone conversations and verbal promises meant to soothe a person's fears in the heat of the moment when they're panicking about a broken heart, job loss, or being on the brink of homelessness.

I've learned my lesson: get it in writing to prevent misunderstandings, future temper tantrums, long, threatening e-mails, and text messages at all hours of the day or night. Get it in writing, even if it's on a coffee shop or restaurant napkin. Don't threaten litigation if you've previously stated you can't afford other services, because that would be tantamount to fraud or theft of services.

Invest in a Mead Composition notebook or a digital voice recorder for all important creative and business meetings. Take meeting minutes, date the entry, and mirror back to those in attendance: "What I understand is..."

Should an agreement come from the meeting, have the other person sign and date the entry until a formal contract is created and co-signed by both parties. An audio recording is easier because it would be an actual transcript of the conversation. Don't be sneaky, mind you. Ask permission to record the conversation and place the device in clear sight.

Open your eyes and ears, and pay attention to who you're speaking with, body language, and verbal ticks, if any, before going off on a tangent with unfounded legal threats that wouldn't have legs in court.

The Ugly Side of Publicity

I've had a fast and early education into the darker spectrums of human fraility and psychosis as a publicist. I had no grandiose expectations when I considered representing a friend who's now a client.

My job is to create or help create a marketable brand, field and secure radio, TV, and print interview requests, and promote my clients to their ideal demographic.

I didn't expect to deal with prim donas, would-be divas, people who'd never qualify as a diva, or people better suited an insane asylum.

My new job as a publicist is one that I embrace and know that I will be successful because I get to incorporate my background in theatre, writing, and editing. Most successful publicists and marketers have the gift of gab are are social butterflies. How else can we place our clients in venues and on radio and talk shows if we're not liked, or at least respected?

I've no patience and time for people who think they can take advantage of me or anyone else because they were once a corporate executive, physically attractive, or accustomed to delegating to subordinates.

Every third person is clamoring for fifteen minutes of fame and notoriety, but two out of three people don't understand what's involved in creating a public identity. It requires hard work and daily maintenance to sustain a reputable career. This isn't to say that one-trick or one-shot ponies have no place in life; they are the ones who amuse and teach us what not to do.

The ugly side of publicity shines a floodlight on the darker reaches of human greed, insecurity and stupidity. Too many are outraged or shocked during the early stages of contract negotiations. Don't be. Compromises have to be made to ensure both sides get the best deal at the time. Still others want to threaten legal for verbal agreements after they've watched a few episodes of Law & Order or Boston Legal. These are the ones who will probably never be successful, and will do whatever they feel necessary to have an audience.

The Beginning of The End

I'm struggling with a decision to euthanize my oldest cat. I can't bring myself to do it despite the fact that her health is failing. She was once a fat cat that made no qualms about eating the younger cat's food when unattended. She was once a bold cat, but now she's a mere shadow of a her former self.

I know that I'm mixing my feelings for my granny with Clancy. Natural death is expected. My granny died when she was ninety years old. Clancy's purred and cooed for eighteen human years, which would make her eighty-eight years old in the animal kingdom.

I know I'll have to do one of two things: contact the cat lady in Stuyvesant Town and ask if she still has the country home where her cats roam free until death, or take her to local animal shelter and have her put to sleep. The first choice is easier, provided the cat lady (her self-described moniker, not mine) is willing to pet her out to pasture.

Death is permanent, and I'm not prepared to step into the role of executioner.

I think, too, about Maxie, my black tortoise shell cat. She knows that the end is near for Clancy. Maxie's taken to following me around the apartment more often than not, rather than one of two favorite hiding spots underneath the coffee table or living room sofa. She's been beside herself, meowing, and trying her best to communicate what I know all too well when I lock eyes with Clancy.

I used to be allergic to bobbed-tail cats as a child. My mother was concerned and surprised that I'd have a cat, and eventually two. I don't know that I'm not a dog person, but cats are less maintenance than dogs. And there's no walking a cat during freezing New York winters.

I think what it'd be like decide to flip the switch on a human relative. What if I'd wait a few more minutes? Who says that there wouldn't be miraculous recovery?

I know I have to make a decision, soon. I keep hoping upon hope, that, she will eat more days than not, and her guttural wails that stop me in my tracks will cease. I feel as if I'm playing God. Who am I to end another life? I don't have all the answers.

Breena Clarke Interview

I met and interviewed Breena Clarke, author of River, Cross My Heart, and her latest, Stand the Storm, at a Harlem bookstore prior to an intimate reading and book signing at The Studio Museum of Harlem.

It was a privilege to sit in the book storeroom with the personable author, who answered my questions after careful consideration and thought.

KW: Why do you write? Is it because you’re inspired or have something to contribute to an ongoing artistic dialogue? Are your books for everyone?

Breena Clarke: Yes, I would say that I am most often inspired to write, and I feel an obligation to contribute to the exchange of ideas relevant to the African American experience, for all people who can read. I stipulate this because I recognize that access and interest in reading is not universal. All readers/thinkers are welcome to my fiction.

KW: For those who might not know, describe your style of writing.

BC: I describe my fiction as character-driven and as descriptive, panoramic, and historic.

KW: Who were your earliest influences? Who continues to influence or impress you as a writer and artist?

BC: My earliest literary influences were the big classics of elementary and middle school: Dickens, Poe, Alcott, Twain, and many others I can no longer remember. I was a voracious reader and remain so. Over the last 20 or so years, I have been entertained, enlightened, and inspired by the writing of a huge number of writers that include the following: James Baldwin, Jean Toomer, Ernest J. Gaines, Joyce Carol Oates, Toni Morrison, Zora Neale Hurston, Ann Petry, Jorge Amado, Edwidge Danticat, Cheryl Clarke, Alice McDermott, Margaret Atwood, Alice Walker, Paule Marshall, Barbara Kingsolver, Dorothy Allison, and Jewelle Gomez.

KW: What’s the biggest setback you’ve had as an artist? What keeps you going. despite the setback(s)?

BC: The biggest setback in my life is a personal one. The 1989 accidental death of my son changed my life entirely. Though I had early on been influenced by literary aspirations, I began writing with a more intense focus after his death. So my writing rescued me and continues to do so.

KW: Did you always dream of a life in publishing? What were your preliminary obstacles in publishing? What kinds of struggles did you face? How did you handle them?

BC: Yes, I have had early aspirations to have a book published. I was a library rat –- a girl who spent summer days reading in the cool, marble building with old oak chairs — the main library in Washington, D.C., so, I have always wanted to be on the shelves. I didn’t have obstacles to getting published. I have had the life obstacles that were typical of my “time” and circumstance. My parents were my most fortunate circumstance. They supported me and directed me, and finally let me choose my own career paths.

KW: Complete this statement: “Some people criticize me for…” How do you respond?

BC: I didn’t imagine that people would criticize me. Well, I suppose some people are annoyed and unhappy that I do not include a religious narrative in my novels. Religious worship is included for its social function only.

KW: Are novels your only form of expression?

BC: No, some of my short stories appear in two anthologies: Black Silk Erotica and Street Lights. I’ve also co-authored a play.

KW: Are you the only artist in your family? Is your family supportive of your career?

BC: Oh, no. I am not even the only published writer. My sister is Cheryl L. Clarke. She has published volumes of poetry, articles, and essays. My husband is an actor and a voracious reader. I have a cousin who is an actress, and one who is an actress and choreographer. My mother’s sister had a short career as a singer, and all of the other members of my family are kitchen table storytellers –- sharing the same anecdotes again and again.

KW: If not a career as a writer, what would you do?

BC: Perhaps I would teach. I taught some –- very briefly years ago, after college. I was an actress, director, and stage manager in my earlier career. Perhaps I might do this.

KW: If you could have dinner with five people in the music or entertainment industry, living or dead, who would they be and why?

BC: Fats Waller and Billie Holiday would be at the very top of my list -– so much so that I could forego the three others and just have these two. It would take many pages for me to explain that I feel Thomas “Fats” Waller was the greatest musician of his age. I carried him in my heart since I took a set of his 78 records to college. They were something that my mother had in the basement. They were, of course, antiques when I played them in my dorm. They were kitchy to my dorm mates, but vital to me in ways I don’t fully understand. And because I went to college as a quirky, smart, black girl, I was obsessed with Billie Holiday. Many of us were. To me, she was the most beautiful and most talented person who breathed. I would also select Bessie Smith, Otis Redding, and Sam Cook. I think an idea of men as generally nice and well-intentioned left me when Otis Redding died. He had a country-sexy singing style that was one of the nicer parts of my musical youth. Sam Cook was also part of that nice guy youth thing. I loved -– still do -– his music and was heartbroken when he was killed. Bessie Smith is part of the transition from nice girl to bad woman of the world after Catholic high school. I used to own the entire Columbia reissue.

KW: Do you meticulously plan or work from a sudden burst of inspiration?

BC: I plan my work. I make notes, create a structure, and work regularly. I am inspired, though, greatly. I have developed ways to excite and inspire myself. Research -– discovering facts and circumstances for the first time and making connections to other materials -– is very inspirational for me.

KW: Which event or series of events have shocked and/or wowed you over the years, and will any of these become the basis of a fictional work?

BC: The MLK March on Washington, the church bombings in Birmingham, and JFK’s assassination all have had a profound impact on me. I remember coming home, as a child, and finding my great-aunt on her knees in front of TV in the aftermath of Kennedy’s assassination. He was a promising talent wiped out before he reached his potential. The Civil Rights Movement was a scary time in American history.

KW: How do you keep yourself motivated? Is there a key to your creative process? How many drafts until you know the book is ready?

BC: It is somewhat of a challenge to keep from tiring of a novel before it is finished. The key is probably to take a short break. I discovered that some novelists actually try to work on two projects so that they can stay fresh. There is no set number of drafts for me. I use my intellect and instincts to decide how done the draft is. If, after a short break, I read it and it reads well –- especially if I am surprised by it -– I consider it at a stage for some other pair of eyes.

KW: How important are rankings, ratings, and adulation to you as a writer? Are you striving for commercial or artistic success/appeal?

BC: I’m one of those writers who will tell you she is interested in both commercial success and artistic success. Simply put: I want people to read my work critically and praise it, and recognize some intrinsic value. I also want them to purchase it and support my living. Since we live in a society with vertical structures, it works to be favorably placed on lists and rankings, but the lists don’t make one book better than another, artistically.

KW: Do you use writing as therapy to combat mood swings or adversity?

BC: No, writing can’t be everything. One thing I’ve learned over the years is not to make writing be all things. I use music, art, theater/film, basketball, swimming, and Qi Gong for mood management.

KW: What does “authentic” mean to you as an artist?

BC: That which can be verified in the deepest part of cultural understanding -– the visceral, the “know in the bone” feeling.

KW: What were the most difficult scenes you’ve written in either of your two books, emotionally and spiritually?

BC: The scenes of death in both novels were most emotionally involved for me.

KW: Do you find that you get lost in your work for days or weeks on end? And does that result in deeper, more resonant work?

BC: No. The point I have finally gotten to is having a way of staying in my own daily life and becoming involved with the novel each day. I have thought, in the past, that I would most like to have a solitary stretch in a lovely place and fill up notebooks. And when I am vacationing, I do…sort of. But I have to keep myself fit physically and emotionally in order to be consistent, to be at my desk each day. I sleep deeply and productively, and I have used dreaming/creative visualization since I was very young.

KW: What do you think will be your artistic legacy?

BC: I can only hope that my legacy will be that I portrayed characters in my fiction who illuminate the complex lives of ordinary people and that I wrote well and artfully.

KW: How much research went into writing this novel?

BC: Several years worth of reading and visiting museums and historic homes.

KW: How far have African Americans progressed emotionally and spiritually since the setting and time of your novel?

BC: I don’t think of the people of the 19th century as being less emotionally or spiritually complex than those of the 21st century. The differences would be in areas of personal freedom and access to education. I believe that the reason I can empathize and that my readers can empathize with the characters of Stand The Storm is because human beings are motivated by all the same feelings and are only different because of circumstances. I think a novelist is counting on this truth –- in fact, is manipulating this so that the reader becomes invested.

24 Ways To Set Goals

I’ve read several self-help books, and stared at those paid infomercials in the wee hours of the morning when I should’ve been asleep after watching too many episodes of syndicated shows on cable. There are many ways to set goals and stick to them, provided the right approach is taken. These might not work for everyone–proceed with caution.

1. Define your goal, or you will surely to be off to a bad start. If the goal is too vague or unattainable for your skill set, beware. All goals aren’t for everyone.

2. Ask your family and close friends for help in attaining your goal. If they’re unable or uninterested in helping, log onto the nearest computer search engine for a list of books or articles on that specific goal.

3. Visit the library, if you can’t afford the latest self help book or if you are unwilling to spend the money because deep inside you know all of these books essentially say the same thing: Get off your lazy butt and do something.

4. You’ve checked the book out of the branch library, or you bought the hardcopy of the book because you wanted to impress someone other than yourself. Open the book and read at least the Introduction and Table of Contents.

5. Allow yourself a generous break and time away from the book to define those psychobabble terms undoubtedly used in said self-help guru’s Introduction.

6. Remind yourself that you will achieve this goal, no matter what, unlike the last time you decided to change your life in a meaningful way.

7. If those close to you ask about the sudden pep in your step, lead them on. Tell them you’re testing new form fitting undergarments.

8. Remind yourself that your increased heart rate has as much to do with your caffeine intake as you might actually succeed with your goal.

9. Generous break now over, get back to the book, pencil or colorful highlighter in hand to mark those stirring passages, if you purchased the book. Otherwise, photocopy or scan those passages because you might return the book during the allotted time at most stores. Library cardholders have more flexibility in returning the book, but not too much.

10. Begin the first chapter with the intent of finishing it. Turn off all communication devices and distractions: cell phone, Palm Pilot, refurbished, or sticker-covered laptop.

11. Look at your reflection in a full-length mirror and tell yourself in a clear voice: “I am worthy of this goal.”

12. Write and display handwritten reminders on index cards or colorful Post-its around your living and/or work space for all to see and nudge you along your appointed goal.

13. Set up a reward system for successful increments on the path to achieving your goal.

14. Talk to or visit family or friends who are stuck in a rut to get you over the initial butterflies.

15. After the phone call or visit, reread the Introduction and Table of Contents to remind yourself of what you think you want.

16. If you’re ready for the next step, read chapter two, or treat yourself to a hot shower or bath. All this goal setting is hard work, and you need to relax before the real work begins.

17. Remember to take the book everywhere you go to read during downtime at work or face value on the subway or bus, if you use mass transit. Don’t forget your highlighter!

18. Begin using new psychobabble to impress family, friends, or your pet. Establishing boundaries will go far with your dog that likes to chew your shoes underneath the bed.

19. Keep a journal of your newfound thinking and activities.

20. Stare at your blank spiral notebook or computer screen to be sure you know what you’re doing. Scratch your head or hold your hand to your mouth with a contemplative stare off in the distance.

21. Now that two weeks have passed, you can’t return the book to the local bookseller and you’re probably afraid to return it to the library. Proceed to the next crucial step.

22. Chapter three should be a breeze for those of you who really want to change your life.

23. When family and friends ask about your progress, use the LARK Method: List your goals, Avoid telling the truth, Reconfirm why you’re doing this to yourself, and Know that it won’t be too long before they figure out you’re lying.

24. If all else fails, repeat these steps until you achieve the goal of losing weight, running a marathon, finding the love of your life, or mending the relationship with your estranged family member.